Finally and Funnily Enough

     Okay, so the news that's breaking at the moment is that the second of the two terrorists responsible for the Boston tragedy was apprehended in a boat after being discovered by helicopters equipped with heat sensing cameras has been shot and apprehended. First off, hurray! One more disturbed criminal off the streets and behind bars is one less terrorist for us to worry about in these trying times.

    Secondly, there was another boat that was searched first. And therein lies my story.

"Huh. I wonder where he's going with this..."

    During seventh period in my high school today (about 12:15, for those of you who have finally escaped this state sponsored purgatory), the principal came on the P.A. System and announced that we would be entering a lockdown scenario. Of course, the first thing my film class did was rush to the window looking out at Route 25, Long Island to see the dozens of police cars rushing to the east. Interestingly enough, east is the direction of the Orient-New London ferry.

    One of my classmates is the son of a town official, so she goes on the phone with her father to ask her what the deal with the state troopers is. He says that there was a person on the New London ferry that matched the descriptions of the Boston bombing fugitive. The whole class then begins freaking out and Instagramming things like #onhisway and #holyshittheresaterroristcomingatuspleasegodhelpus. Now, to put things in perspective, there are 15 miles, a 20 minute drive, and (at this point) about 50 cop cars between the ferry station and our high school, and there's clearly no way in hell that a fugitive terrorist is going to stop at a middle-of-nowhere high school to commit more acts of violence with the police force of three different states on his tale, so nobody took this whole "he's coming here to kill us all" thing very seriously.

     At some point during these goings on, the chorus director received a phone call. I wasn't in the room (because I was in film, as I mentioned) but apparently the conversation went something like this:

     "Hello? Yes, this is Mr. F-----. What? Okay, I'll be right there. [hangs up phone and adresses class] That was the F.B.I. I need to go."

     Naturally, the chorus students were all in a tizzy. However, after the events had finally come to pass, we found out that the whole story was something along these lines: The man who matched the description of the fugitive on the New London ferry (early twenties, black hair, the works) who was coming to visit relatives and unfortunately bore an uncanny resemblance to a wanted terrorist, was the cousin of my chorus teacher. Whoda thunk? At least we can find the silver lining of unwriteably funny comedy in the midst of this terrible tragedy. My condolences to the families of those who were victims of this man. There is nothing that he can do to repay this horrible crime, and nothing can bring the lives of those affected back to normal. Please pardon me for the tastelessness of the following joke--they just write themselves-- but as they say: